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I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has supported me since I started my blog as I have now hit 50 followers!!

  • Thank you to those who comment and like my posts regularly, it means the world. I have to admit that I smile and get excited every single time I get a notification.
  • Thank you to bloggers who have given me loving advice on their posts, my posts, on Facebook etc and allowed me to quickly improve my content and style.
  • Thank you to all 50 of you for being part of my new little community!

Thank you for sticking around, I’m very excited for what’s to come.

 

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Ella x

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This is an incredibly hard post for me to make and I hope that you can all appreciate that. I am quite a creative person, in terms of writing, and I found it is a great outlet for when things seem tough. So today I thought it was time that I came out from the dark and shared my experience with depression and how it makes me feel.

My Diagnosis

I was diagnosed on the 4th February 2016 with Atypical Depression. It was actually a few hours before I did the eulogy at my Grandad’s funeral in front of about 100 people. But, that didn’t make me feel any more sad that I had been dealt such a poor set of cards that day.

In fact, I kind of felt, liberated.

Bloody weird, I know. I was just… (happy??) to get a diagnosis and actually understand why I had been acting so un-me for so long.

“Atypical depression can be overwhelming, both physically and mentally. Unlike other types of depression, people with atypical depression can be briefly cheered up by positive events, but they overreact to negative events. A severe depression can be triggered by any feeling of rejection from a friend, boss, or loved one” – everydayhealth.com

At school I was the girl who didn’t have trouble making and maintaining friendships – I actually prided myself on how many I had – so why at university, the place where I should have been making hundreds of new pals did I feel so… alone? Miserable? Abandoned? Friendless?

At school I was the girl who always smiled, laughed, spent as much time away from home and with those that I loved. So why was I now turning my university room from a sanctuary in to a cell? Why was I spending more days crying over insignificant problems and pushing those that I loved away… rather than letting them in?

I traveled from York to my hometown the night before my Grandad’s funeral, aware of my looming appointment. I was scared. Scared of being laughed at, misunderstood or given a perfect bill of health. Realistically, these thoughts were stupid. I knew I wouldn’t be considered mentally healthy at all. In fact, I had completed an online consultation with my surgery in York that deemed me too severe to see a GP and advised me contacting emergency help.

My GP in my hometown was kind. He listened, he asked questions and at the end of our time he diagnosed me. (I am fully aware that it isn’t this easy for everyone.) After feeling so lost in my undiagnosed state, hearing the words ‘atypical depression’ made me feel found.

I had an illness. It wasn’t made up. I wasn’t ok and in fact it was ok to not be ok. It was ok because it meant I had found my footing on the steps that I had been stumbling down and now I could figure out my steep ascent ahead.

I was prescribed Citalopram that I immediately had a poor relationship with and came off the first chance I had.

Now

You’re probably wondering what medication I took next? Who I spoke to? Whether I am feeling hunky-dory now?

Well… nope.

Like I said, in March I stopped my medication cold turkey. My exams were coming up and the effects were so detrimental to my studies that I actually felt worse. I slept for 12+ hours a day and had no opportunity to study. I lost even more friends, stopped going in to university and it killed me that there was no magic wand to repair it all.

You may think that it has been a while since March and it may have changed. Which is slightly true. University ended in a very ugly and tense atmosphere that I was struggling with after coming off my medication and not seeking further help, so returning home felt amazing. My boyfriend is honestly my knight in shining armour (80% of the time!!) and his presence definitely saved me from myself several times.

know I cannot rely on him for happiness. I have to find it myself. I had a few months which seemed to brighten up my life but now I have hit a bump in the road and I would be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me. Because it does. It scares me to my core. I knew my worst and I don’t want to return. I want to recover and rediscover Ella. I want to feel the real liberation, not just the liberation of finally being diagnosed. I want real feeling.

I know it will come. I know it takes time.

But I am determined, I am strong and I am not just my illness.

I am Ella, and I will meet her again soon.

Ella x
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If you wish to speak to anyone about mental health please contact Mind: 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.

 

 

Hey! To celebrate my 1 week anniversary woooo!! I thought I would do a question tag so that you could get to know me a little bit better.

What’s your favorite candle scent?
I’m definitely a vanilla girl, or strawberry scents. I did have an amazing cupcake one from Yankee Candle before that was heaven!

What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
Emma Watson 1000%. She has been my idol since I can remember and I have always wanted to grow up to be like her. If that is a bit cliche then maybe Bonnie Wright (plays Ginny in Harry Potter) she seems like she would be a great sister.

What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
Probably Rupert Grint. These are all likely to be Harry Potter references as it is what I grew up with and so they feel like my imaginary siblings in a creepy-but-not-stalkerish way…

How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?
I’d like to be quite young, maybe 25? I’m nearly 20 now.

Do you know a hoarder?
Seriously? Yes. My Nana is a hoarder and it breaks my heart as she is so attached to things that it often warps her sense of normality.

Can you do a split?
I wish I could 🙁

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
I’m guessing at 6/7 but I have asked my Dad and will update this later! (Update: He confirmed I was about 7)

How many oceans have you swam in?
I have swam in seas rather than oceans – The North Sea and the Med mainly.

How many countries have you been to?
I just counted… I think it’s 9, or 10?

Is anyone in your family in the army?
Nope.

What would you name your daughter if you had one?
I have two names that I love. Olivia Lily and Isabelle Bernice.

What would you name your son if you had one?
Samuel George or David Harry. They mainly have family references.

What’s the worst grade you got on a test?
On a real exam? B

What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
Depends how young! FRIENDS is one I used to love and still adore now.

What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
How specific! Probably something to do with cats or Harry Potter.

Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
All of them. You can probably guess that Harry Potter is my favourite??

Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
British, I do love the Welsh accent.

Did your mother go to university?
No she didn’t. I am the first in the family to go to university.

Are your grandparents still married?
Yes, on both sides of the family. Although my Nana is recently widowed.

Have you ever taken karate lessons?
My Dad was great at karate when he was younger so he gave me a fewpointers.

Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
Yes!

What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?
Wicksteed Park

What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?
French or Mandarin

Do you spell the colour as grey or gray?
Grey

Is your father bald?
Yep(ish)! I mock him for it constantly

Do you know triplets?
Nope

Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
The Notebook. My biggest fear is drowning.

Have you ever had Indian food?
Yes. I am shamefully bad with spice though

What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?
Chiquito, their burgers are to die for.

Have you ever been to Olive Garden?
No

Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?
Nope

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
I think Edward was one of the names, which I really don’t like for myself! (Update: Dad said it was Elliot.. oops!)

If you have a nickname, what is it?
Ells Bells, Elle S’appelle, Egglia

Who’s your favorite person in the world?
Does my cat count?

Would you rather live in a rural area or in the city?
Just outside a city – in between rural and city life

Can you whistle?
Not very well!

Do you sleep with a nightlight?
No but my boyfriend has to sleep with the fan on. Every. Single. Night. He is a human oven at night and I am always freezing cold!

Do you eat breakfast every morning?
Always!

Do you take any pills or medication daily?
Just the one

What medical conditions do you have?
None, I have been very lucky so far in my life (touch wood)

How many times have you been to the hospital?
For myself? Twice. Once when I was bitten by a dog on my face and another when I cut my head open.

Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
Yes! It was actually the first thing I ever bought for myself.

Where do you buy your jeans?
From ASOS or New Look generally.

What’s the last compliment you got?
“Your hair is a gorgeous colour”. It was from a customer in Next where I work.

Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?
Sometimes… Normally when they are terrifying.

What flavor tea do you enjoy?
I discovered one called Blueberry Rum in China which is blueberries, raisins and hibiscus flowers, it’s amazing!!

How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
I would be embarrassed to count how many… Around 30? I hope it isn’t that much!! Minimalist lifestyle where you at????

What religion will you raise your children to practice?
They can choose whatever religion they most associate with, or none at all. They will be brought up with free choice, I just want them to be happy.

How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?
About 8 years old. I had finally stayed up long enough to realise it was my mum who had come in to my room and put presents at the end of my bed!

Why do you have a wordpress blog?
I have wanted to write a blog since I was about 11. I finally took the plunge this year.

 

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I hope you liked this! I thought it would be nice to know a little more about me.

Answer one of the questions for yourself in the comments.. I would love to know more about those who read my blog. That’s if you got far enough to read this!!

Ella x

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If you’re not aware what Depop is 1) Where have you been man? 2) Na really, where have you been?

Anyway… Depop is a buying and selling app that I often describe as an Instagram eBay. You upload photos of what you want to sell on the app and other users can purchase easily and quickly through the app or by using Paypal. Also, you can follow/like other users items and private message them about anything you like which is a handy little tool.

It is great. I do love it, even if it angers me sometimes.

You can find some real gems on Depop. The search tool means that you can pinpoint exactly what you’re after and you can save items to check out later on. Jewellery and women’s clothes are the main focus of the app, with the odd dash of home accessories, so you can easily spend hours trawling through ‘midi skirt size 8’ or ‘zara dress THAT IS SOLD OUT EVERYWHERE OMG‘.
I also love that you can see other user’s likes. If you love a certain person’s style, seeing their likes gives you a better idea of what they’re in to if you wish to emulate such a style.

I love the communication with sellers too. I often end up having lovely conversations with other users as they’re generally young women with similar shopping loves – a much less formal atmosphere than the one eBay ensures.

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However there are some things about Depop that really grind my gears.

On multiple occasions I have uploaded an item (say a new top with no tags for £10 including postage) and someone has asked me if I would take £4 or lower. I do fully understand the idea that everyone is after a bargain but let us for a moment think of the cost involved…

For second class postage (using myHermes and Royal Mail for reference) you will generally pay around £2.80. Depop add a fee of 10% if you choose to purchase through the app – but some people bypass this entirely and use PayPal ‘family and friends’ at their own risk. Okay, that £2.80 + the 10% of the £4 they offer = £3.20. If you calculate the cost of petrol, time and effort to take photos etc you have very quickly made pennies.. if not nothing from the purchase.

It isn’t like this is uncommon knowledge too. I often find myself having to graciously turn down ludicrous offers that would actually incur a loss for me and receive a bemused response as to why I won’t sell my top at a 50p loss! This is when I prefer eBay to Depop as I feel like people won’t take advantage of sellers on the platform.

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In addition to this grumble, I find that sellers can equally try and exploit their counterpart. I am a common eBay user so I’m aware of the bikini bargains you can get if they’re shipped from China, for example; fetching about £2.99 each. Seeing sellers upload the same photos to Depop and flog said bikinis for £19.99 each angers me so much. There are a lot younger users on Depop than eBay and I hate that their naivety of eBay prices of Chinese goods is exploited by those that know better.

You probably think I’m being a moaning fool as everyone is trying to make money somehow! Although generally I favour the more honest routes and sometimes Depop lacks a lot of trust. As soon as an item is shipped, you have limited abilities to return (depending on the user) and scams happen frequently; meaning I often applaud other users who call out corrupt sellers. – This is not to say the same doesn’t happen on eBay! I’m aware it does, but for some reason I just trust it a lot more… Maybe it’s the fact that it’s more established? Idk.

I do also love eBay’s time frame for selling. It either sells or it doesn’t in 5 or 7 days. With Depop however, things can be posted for 36 weeks with no response, meaning you don’t always get the quick sells that you may hope for if you’re a smaller user (something eBay generally avoids).

Despite the negatives, I believe that, as a buyer, Depop is the new eBay. You have a much more personal connection with sellers (your favourite YouTubers/bloggers often open their own accounts, attracting a lot of interest) and you can find better quality clothes than other buying and selling platforms. However, as a seller… perhaps I will stick with the silent trust eBay ensures.

My Depop username: ellamaygarrett
Ella x

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My boyfriend and I went for a short break in Barcelona at the beginning of July and it was honestly one of the best trips I have ever been on & I cannot wait to go back!

Unfortunately being a student meant that I couldn’t afford a lovely week long break away so I searched to find a happy medium of relaxing on the beach and a city break… Something Barcelona is perfect for.

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Shameless Snapchat Selfie

The Hotel

We stayed in B Hotel, in Placa d’Espanya, which was beautiful! The location was a slight compromise (you had to walk at least 25 minutes to get to typical tourist locations) but I took this with a pinch of salt when it meant we had a rooftop pool and bar (a bool???) and a lovely room.

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Right next door to the hotel was a huge shopping centre (Arenas Centro Comercial Barcelona) which had amazing restaurants on the top, giving you a beautiful view of the city. We actually ended up eating there every single night because there were so many options to choose from. One vital bit of advice that I would mention is eating times at night are crazy different to the UK. We were so busy on the second night that we didn’t get round to dinner until 1o:30pm…When everyone actually turns up to eat?! If you arrive at about 7 or 8pm it’s likely to be deadly silent so (depending what atmosphere you’re after) I would pick your time wisely.

First Day Exploring

On the first day we went exploring down Placa Reial and La Boqueria, a fantastic market with amazing fresh fruit. It is a typical tourist location but it would be wrong to dismiss it as an amazing place to go. Plaça Catalunya is nearby, surrounded by great places to eat and go clothes shopping. This was ideal for me as I managed to get strawberries all down my lovely white top in the market, oops.

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We also took the long walk to see Sagrada Familia. It is honestly absolutely incredible and I love the fact that it’s likely to be different every time you see it due to its constant construction. We decided not to go inside but at about 5pm there were limited crowds, probably making it an ideal time to visit.

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Casa Batllo

My absolute favourite part of the trip was visiting Casa Batllo. This was something that I decided to pay for (around 19 euros each or so) in advance, skipping the queues. We spent several hours inside the building and LOVED it. You get a complimentary headphone guide that comes with an iPhone type screen which is interactive – fantastic really! I have a new found appreciation for Gaudi and his creations that’s for sure.

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The Picasso Museum

We also paid a visit to the Picasso Museum later in the day which was great too as it was only a few euros each (again I prepaid and we skipped almost 20 minutes of queues). However, the audio guides are an absolute must and unfortunately you had to pay an extra 10 euros each for them.

There was an exhibition on at the time of some of Picasso’s sketches. Adam and I couldn’t help laughing like children as there were over 200 odd drawings of prostitutes with their bits flying about everywhere. Their very up-front names added to our fun as they just said things like ‘Prostitute relaxing’.. which somehow we found hilarious at the time (probably heat stroke!)

Visiting Barcelona was one of the most amazing little trips I have ever been on and one of the few cities that I would book an instant flight to now if I could.

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It’s safe to say that if you haven’t put Barcelona on your wish list yet, why not?!

Ella x.png

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