Have you ever been called selfish? Or in fact, called someone else selfish? I’m sure it’s never been heard or said in a positive light. Although I think this should change. I definitely believe that there are some instances in life where being selfish is probably the best fucking thing you could be.
I don’t know if any of you have read “The Life-Changing Magic Of Not Giving A F*ck” but my mentality around being selfish kind of stemmed from there. Like this book, I’m not at all insinuating that there is something inherently worthy in waving your hands around shouting fuck this, fuck that, fuck you and I don’t care at everything and everyone you see. It is fairly obvious that what you get out of life is reflected in what you put in and you need to dedicate time and effort into relationships, work, hobbies and more. But where do you fit into this? Many of us have reached a point, once, twice or way too frequently, where you feel like you’re bottom of the pile. The last thing on your list to care for. And that, my friends, is not healthy.
This is where being selfish is a good thing and needs to stop being thrown about as if anybody who spends a good 15 mins doing a face mask after a stressful day at work instead of taking the bins out is the devil incarnate… I’m just being dramatic, I’m not speaking from experience.
You’re never going to be happy and healthy in your mind if you don’t put your wellbeing first once in a while and sometimes this means doing things the compassionate and kind elements of your personality would normally prevent. For example, those particular friends that are way too toxic in your life but you still keep holding out for? I can almost guarantee that most people reading this has at least one name in mind. Now, think how much happier you would be if you stopped giving them the time of day. I’m not saying that you should steal their prized possessions, insult their pets and puncture their tyres. I’m saying, just stop caring. “Easier said than done Ella”.
Well, lets put this into a physical perspective. If you had a friend who came to you and was like, “Ella, this person who I consider my friend kicks me every time she sees me and I really don’t like it. She hurts me and won’t stop”. You’d be like “Woah, ditch her”. So why is it any different if they are mentally wearing you down? You shouldn’t have to force yourself to be surrounded by people that make you sad, are mean to you, make you feel unimportant or worthless. That’s not okay. There are more than enough amazing people in the world that want to lift you up rather than bring you down and you need to go hunt them out rather than spending time on those who don’t think twice about you. This doesn’t mean that these particular individuals are inherently nasty or have it out for you, but rather you are just incompatible. And that’s when you need to put yourself first.
Be selfish sometimes. What I’m not saying is ‘be a bad person’. I think it is important that we learn to distinguish between the two and stop seeing selfish as always being a bad thing. When you cancel plans to just have some me-time, for example, this doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a bloody sensible one. Everyone needs time to focus on themselves and we would be naive creatures to say this isn’t the case. In fact, it is scientifically proven that spending time on yourself will making you a more well-rounded, postive and happier individual. And hey, who doesn’t want that?
So say up yours to those who don’t care, cancel some plans to have some well-earned me time and pick your favourite restaurant once in a while. Because we all deserve to be selfish.